The Future is Alive and Well in the 90s

The future has always been a rich subject for the arts. In the future, anything is possible™, a fact that creatives have taken advantage of for ages. The hope of fantastical times to come has been the bread n' butter of Isaac Asimov, Orson Scott Card, and anyone who makes their living doing airbrush art at the State Fair.

However, it has recently come to my attention that the most perfect artistic interpretation of the future occurred not in the mind of Gene Roddenberry, but rather on the sets of 90s music videos.

Ah yes, the 90s, specifically that late 90s era of boy bands. It was a time of boundless hope and optimism. The Willenium was upon us, and even the likes of Joey "Fat One" Fatone were idealizing the perfect future. Between cocaine sneezes, label executives realized the potential possible with this imagery. This is a predominant theme in this era of video music (thanks VMAs) entertainment. But have any of these technological prophecies come to be over a decade later? Let's see.


Eiffel 65 - Blue

Perhaps you saw this video when it was originally gifted to the world. If so, I implore you to watch it again. It has aged like a fine milk left next to the furnace for over a decade. The producers appear to have hired very talented designers to create the generic alien mouth movement that works strikingly well with Eiffel 65's libretto.

The video's main theme is the artists' struggle with their fanbase made entirely of shittily-animated aliens. They obviously should have appreciated their fans instead of shooting plasma balls at them (@1:34), hence why their career has faltered.

ETA FOR THIS TECHNOLOGY: Only Eiffel 65 knows, because they must know when those aliens are coming back.

Five - When the Lights Go Out

Eternal pop heroes Five (sometimes credited as 5ive, because the number 5 looks a lot like an F) approach this theme with an Orwellian angle. Our heroine is subjected to, nay, treated to the band's emotionally-charged smash hit "When the Lights Go Out" via a interactive virtual reality rig on a set that looks like it cost production at least $100. The idea is that, in the future, women will be able to gaze upon the handsome Richard AKA the old one (seriously @ 1:08, he looks just like a dad. who wears a golf shirt in a music video?) in the comfort of their own modified dentist chair.

ETA FOR THIS TECHNOLOGY: 2012. It's basically a PSP suspended over a chair. Somebody please build it. Although first we must locate the remaining members of 5ive. Your local Winchell's might be a good place to check.

N*Sync - I Want You Back

Let me set the scene for you: a lonely yellow-clad woman is stranded in a dissolving hologram world in space. The mighty lads of N*Sync are on a spaceship, and at computer consoles, not really doing anything apparent to help said trapped woman (Lance, I'm looking at you!)

Honestly, I don't even know what's happening here. Sadly their entire budget was squandered on CG and the tightest Lycra tops money could buy. Apparently JC Chasez was left to choreograph the entire mess himself (go to 2:40 for some supreme jellyfish arms. You won't regret it.) I can only imagine Ron Pearlman was watching off-set the whole time, licking his lard-covered lips.

ETA FOR THIS TECHNOLOGY: Just as soon as we can shoot all of the members of N*Sync into space. Lance already tried, come on guys!


This blog post has been brought to you by Sisqo for Pepsi...IN THE FUTURE!