Favorite Sandwiches: Part 2

Today’s sandwich comes from the ass-backwards suburb of Lilydale, Minnesota (pop 552). According to Wikipedia, the population is 95% white, so I guess the moniker is fitting. I would normally never go to such a loser-y town, but it’s right by my work and is home to a great Italian deli, which is home to an even greater sandwich.

Behold! The North Beach sandwich from Buon Giorno. Now, someone told me that there are two restaurants named Buon Giorno, so make sure you don’t go to the other one because it probably blows. This delicacy is a delightful mélange of turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, aioli, and fontina cheese on a fresh roll. It’s not as greasy as the Caffrey’s veggie, but be warned that one ‘wich is the size of a premature baby. I don’t think I could eat a whole premature baby, but sometimes I can eat a whole North Beach if I’m really hungry.

I must note that right down the road from Buon Giorno is a gay cruising spot that my co-worker discovered one fine day while exploring the wilds of Lilydale. Nothing like a breezy summer day with a tasty sandwich, watching gay men giving each other secret signals and then walking into the woods, hand in hand.

Cherry on a Modern Art Sculpture

The Minneapolis Sculpture Garden is a large park right outside of downtown filled to the brim with lovely postmodern sculpture that the uneducated demand their children could make. In response to them, I say that the most their children can make is a snotty kleenex. If they want to make that into some kind of Dada sculpture piece, that's up to them.

The centerpiece of the sculpture garden is "Spoonbridge", better known as "The Cherry on the Spoon" sculpture. It has, for some reason, become a symbol of the city (as seen in the above postcard). This is probably due to Minneapolis's booming spoon, cherry, and modern art industries.

I realized the other day that if you were to remove the cherry, it's easy to see that the spoon is bent in such a way that eating your average bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios would be a major chore.
Who eats cherries with a spoon anyway? And doesn't the position of the cherry defy the laws of physics? I should also note that water sprays out of the top of the cherry stem. Totally unrealistic. It's about time someone delivered a critique to The City of Lakes's most beloved giant sculpture piece.

Favorite Sandwiches: Part 1

I love sandwiches. They are pretty much the greatest on-the-go food item ever devised, right behind Go-Gurt and bananas. Contrary to popular belief, sandwiches were NOT invented by the Earl of Sandwich, he just named them. Does anybody really think that until the 17th century nobody had the idea to put tasty shit between bread?

The answer is NO!!!!! Centuries of sandwich cuisine have culminated in these: LAUREN'S FAVORITE SANDWICHES. And don't think I don't know anything about food. I've eaten reindeer in Stockholm, fresh clams on the coast of the North Sea in The Netherlands, and I know what arugula is! You should trust my judgment here.


Today's sandwich comes from Caffrey's Deli on Lyndale. For the past 3 years, I have been depending on them to send dirty hippies in shitty cars to my house at 2am to bring me THIS:


This beaut. the Veggie Sandwich (#1 on the menu) is a combination of cucumbers, tomatoes, onions, roasted peppers, lettuce, muenster, provolone, and mayo. I don't get it with oil and vinegar because that turns it into a floppy, nasty bread rag filled with produce. Plus, even though technically a veggie sandwich should be "healthy", take note of the grease stain to the north of the sandwich. Mmm.

It's probably actually not that healthy, and I bet that annoying fat guy from the food network would LOVE it.

I can't watch his show, "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives" without getting nauseous. Every episode features him eating Billy's Famous 2-Pound Double Jalapeno Cheddar Cheese Shit Burger or whatever, and getting disgustingly sweaty while doing so (see above). It's pretty much the same as going to the Old Country Buffet in Coon Rapids on a Friday night and sitting next to the Nascar table.

But yeah, that's a good sandwich.

I Love Stock Photos!

I work for a company that makes computer training courses. Sometimes, my job is to sometimes create/find graphics for the latest "General Lightbulb Co.: Sexual Harassment Policy" course or whatever the new compulsory businessland training du jour is.

Usually the client will request something like "please put a picture of an old woman here" or something equally vague. It's then when I get to turn to my ultimate bag of tricks - STOCK PHOTOGRAPHY!

If you are unaware, stock photography is an industry dedicated to creating millions of photographs that are just ambiguous enough in subject matter to be used and purchased for pretty much anything.

That last query was real, and here's some of the gems I dredged up:
I think this photo was put out there to quell all those requests for erotic old lady stock photos. Success?I believe this is from their "Florida Retirees on the Edge of Death" series.This picture reflects the tragedy of senior dementia.
My favorite senior model returns for a "gonna fuck you up" series.